It’s taken seven years, but I finally came up with a dinner so atrocious I really am ashamed to be using the energy resources to cook it. It smells bad, it looks funny. I can’t actually imagine eating it in the next twenty minutes.
It started out innocently enough. I have leftover turkey. And, um, cabbage. And some sausage in the freezer. I got to thinking how a nice smokey polish sausage would be tasty mixed with some leftover turkey. But what to do with it? The cabbage suggested kraut burgers to me. So…
I mixed the dough, I chopped the cabbage. I pulled the sausage out of the freezer. My gaze fell to the label. Italian sausage. Shoot. I knew immediately it would taste terrible with cabbage and turkey. But the dough was already rising. And maybe…? Well, no. I chopped the turkey and the sausage way too fine so it had a disgusting similarity to dog food. I browned the sausage and added the cabbage. The fumes filled the kitchen. It made my stomach turn. I thought perhaps it would taste better than it smelled. It didn’t.
So what did I do? I rolled out the dough, filled it with, well, sludge, and added some cheddar cheese. It wasn’t my first mistake, but I know in my heart it won’t help.
The cabbage/sausage/turkey combo had a bit of a Chinese food taste too it, had I been bold I could have added sesame oil and a little hoisin sauce and maybe salvaged it. But that doesn’t go with yeasty rolls, now does it? So I added cheddar cheese. Because while cheddar cheese doesn’t go with Chinese food it does go with yeasty bread rolls.
Like I said, my stomach turns thinking about eating this and my head aches at the thought of even trying to feed it to my kids. I have a bit of sahm guilt also–this is the best I could do for my poor beleaguerd husband who spent the day embalming and soothing sad people? Really? Barf Rolls? Well, now you are in on it too. Just try to enjoy the delicious and healthy food you are eating right now while thinking the words “Barf Rolls.”
If you steam those yeasty rolls, or fry them… yes — Chinese goes with them… since it seems you stuffed the rolls, they would have to go on the steam tray to cook… (making soggy barf-rolls) If so — remember, serve with wine vinegar and garlic (whole cloves — yum yum.)
Dog food often has more offal than sausage does, but, yes — sausage and wet dog food are disturbingly alike… dog food is what they do with sausage that falls on the floor.
Hope ypu had a lovely dinner. The hands and heart that made the food are lovely.